The people at Shire know what’s up. Some call Adderall the “poor man’s cocaine.” However, it is actually the clean man’s meth.
So the good folks at Shire held the intracompany focus group, quite literally, as each employee was given one dose of a new rendition of the beloved amphetamine salts.
The formulation includes the popular immediate release salts, the crushable beads called XR – also, a new sustainable, equitable extra-XR, which comes in a different color beads. The extra-XR is said to last up to 16 hours (of course, insufflation reduces the duration).
When the employees gathered in the Metaverse to discuss a name for the new SUPER ADDY a few names were proposed.
Given the diversity aspect of three different formulations of this focus wonder drug, one employee, an aexenogender, sometimes amigender soul named Winnakah, whose pronouns would rotate with differing moon phases (at the time of the focus group the spreadsheet Zje keeps notated Zje/Goy pronouns). Zje recommended the name “Afterall.” Zje was certain this was clever for it, after all, came after Adderall. The inhouse ESG metrics tabulated the potential for this name using recently submitted metadata from the Five Eyes funded, inhouse nanotechnology extractor – which employees would plug into the HDMI port in their newfangled, vaccine-equitable wrists. Apparently, the visceral reactions for the name did not meet the target trending fever pitch, even with the Affirmative Action inspired DEI scoring scale. Zje retreated to the furry -friendly safe space to vent Goy’s frustration – as Zje howled at the moon – right before conducting her Sabbatean-Frankist pronoun switching ceremony as the phase of the moon changed that very day!
The next participant in the focus³ group was none other than Pete Carroll, the white, cis-gender, heterosexual professional football coach of the SeaAdderall Seahawks. Pete gets an N-word pass since he coached the team to a Superbowl victory some years back – which helped boost the local economy – which, in turn, provided more storefronts for Antifaschistische Aktion glow-in-the-dark Ivy League students to fuck up during the 2020 Rodney King-riot-redux. Pete clocked into the meeting, via the Metaverse, using an avatar resembling a few light tranny slams. Pete suggested the name “Tuna Stamina of Knoxville Crip Fame.” Unfortunately, Pete referred to one of the bi-demi-BIPOX employees (living xhe’s best life) as ZoZo, for his Adderall prescription ran out early. Pete was dismissed from the meeting.
Finally, Jonathan Greenblatt’s holographic Semitic semantics were fused with the aesthetic attributes of the late Tupac Shakur. The fusion, dubbed Jupac Sh’Kalergi (the upside down comma, or as white folk call it, an apostrophe – phe is a gendered word for the skinner-trans-half-queer – is silent by the way, for those of you who have not read Adorno), came to life in the corner of the Shire boardroom on a stereo-immersive material (powered by CIA -USAID-Elon Musk’s lithium deposits fresh from gayOped Bolivia).
Jupac spoke – he said “nigga I ain’t finna make this shit – all I can tell you is damn kneegrow MY DAY IS FUCKING LIT!!!!
MY – DAY – IS. PERFECT. And the rest is history.
Disclaimer: no affiliation with Shire Pharmaceuticals, do not use drugs.