Ukraine is fake and gay. America should put its nuclear arsenal to good use and eradicate Ukraine from the face of the earth.
Nuking Ukraine would save us hundreds of billions of dollars in foreign aid, put a stop to an international money-laundering scheme, and rid the globe of one of the chief exporters of cringe.
Some people might object to nuking Ukraine. “What will all those poor Senators do now that they can’t send their useless children to Kiev to collect bribes on their behalf?” Others might say “But we have vital interests Ukraine, I know because the CIA plants in media tell me so.”
These people we will duct-tape to the noses of the missiles.
Ukraine Delenda Est.